Sara Bareilles- Gravity

Sara Bareilles- Gravity

This song is probably my favorite song at the moment. Anyone who has read Category: Background: should listen to this because it describes my feelings exactly. SO GOOD.

Ned Vizzini on the Essentials

“Things to do today:
1) Breathe in.
2) Breathe out.”
― Ned VizziniIt’s Kind of a Funny Story

Ned Vizzini on being YOU

“I just want to not be me.”
― Ned VizziniIt’s Kind of a Funny Story

 

I feel like this all the time. I alway wonder what it would be like to be in someone else’s life, but then i remember that everyone has their problems. No matter how good you think someone may have it, everyone has issues they struggle with every day. I’m grateful I’m living the life I am because if I had it differently, I wouldn’t be me anymore. And even though that may seem nice, getting a different life won’t change the fact that bad things will happen.

Shakespeare on Fear

MACBETH
I have almost forgot the taste of fears.
The time has been my senses would have cooled
To hear a night-shriek, and my fell of hair
Would at a dismal treatise rouse and stir
As life were in ’t. I have supped full with horrors.
Direness, familiar to my slaughterous thoughts
Cannot once start me.

-Shakespeare, The Tragedy of Macbeth

Translation:
I’ve almost forgotten what fear feels like. There was a time when I would have been terrified by a shriek in the night, and the hair on my skin would have stood up when I heard a ghost story. But now I’ve had my fill of real horrors. Horrible things are so familiar that they can’t startle me.

(Translation provided by No Fear Shakespeare- Sparknotes)

I’m not sure why, but when I read Macbeth, I couldn’t stop coming back to this quote over and over. Just think about it and make your own meaning.

What you might want to know p.3

This is where it gets interesting.

Him. Let’s call him Harrison. I met Harrison around the time Sam and I broke up. Harrison and I had never really talked much before, but we had many mutual friends and classes. He approached me one night as I was walking home from a rehearsal. I needed a rebound and he was available, so we hooked up a few times. After about a week or two, we decided to get to know each other. We went out to lunch, texted constantly, and hung out at my house a lot. I had made a best friend with this guy. I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me and things just seemed okay again. We officially started dating on November 16, 2013. He was the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and the first person I really love. I care about him so much, it hurts.

Harrison had a problem. He had a hole in his heart, literally. He was born with a birth defect or something where there was a small hole in his heart the size of the tip of a needle. Doctors fixed it as best they could, but it was for sure he wouldn’t live past age 40. He has been raised in an abusive divorced family his whole life which has cause major stress on him that lead to irregular heart beats making his condition worse. I just didn’t know how worse.

He has lied to me about many things which would take too long to explain (but I may write about it another time). I was contemplating a break up around new year. I through a party and got severely intoxicated which lead me to make the awful decision of cheating. I did not hook up with anyone, I just went a bit far with another guy. I regret it every day. I know I am awful for doing this. I didn’t know the harm it was going to do. We broke up that night.

Two days later, Harrison found out his condition had gotten out of control, and if he didn’t get the transplant he desperately needed, he only had two years left. I had no idea, and by then it was too late for me to help.

Well. now you are caught up… More to come on the Harrison situation.

Ned Vizzini on being with someone

“People are screwed up in this world. I’d rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.”
- Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story

What you might want to know p. 2

So, we’ve gotten part all the basics. Now to get to the things that make me and you so different yet so alike. Here’s my unique situation:

In summer, 2012, I met some people through an organization I’ve been involved in for many years based in my home town. They weren’t bad people, just different people than what I was used to. From that summer up until Spring, 2013, these people became my best friends. One boy in this close-knit group, let’s call him Nick, started to take more interest in me than before. We began to flirt and eventually date. I would say he was my first real relationship. He was not my boyfriend; we were never labeled. We just shared something I still cannot seem to put my finger on. The only problem was, we had to keep our feelings masked. Thinking back on it now, I do not know why I didn’t see that as a large HAZARD sign. In the month of April, everything changed. Nick revealed his true intentions which lead to heartbreak, hurt, and overall trouble for all parties involved. I won’t go into detail, but I can say that the incident caused me much scaring and him lots of serious issues. I’ll admit that he is the reason i do not trust anymore.

Going away for the summer helped. I will go into my experience with the singers another time, but for now I just need to catch you up on the important things.

Let’s fast forward to September 2013: new school, new people, new opportunities, new workloads, new stresses, new worries.

The school welcomed me with open arms. Within the first week, I had a boyfriend (let’s call him Sam), great classes, and a new group of friends. Life seemed easy again. But life isn’t supposed to be easy. I know that my surroundings at that time were not the best influences, but smoking was bound to happen sooner or later with me. It just made me feel so free. I have no excuses except for that I just enjoyed it. The high hugged me tight when I needed inspiration and kept me warm. I noticed things had started to go down hill when Sam broke up with me unexpectedly. Not a big deal. We weren’t serious or anything. What stung was the fact that I had no clue why it ended. He just never told me . I though maybe I did something wrong to drive him away. This is when I began to beat myself up. I slowly started to let the things that were important to me slip away. This is when I began to over use. I was slowly killing myself without realizing it, and I had no idea why I was letting myself do it.

 

more to come later

Top 23 things for teens.

Just read this article my friend posted on facebook. Really good, but the link was being all weird so here are 23 things to know on being a teenager:

1. You are somewhat better looking that you think you are.

2. You are somewhat more popular that you think you are.

3. Your parents are somewhat more cool than you think they are. They are somewhat less cool than they think they are.

4. Your parents are sometimes wrong. You are wrong more often.

5. For any given “grown up” activity, somewhat fewer people are doing it than you think.

6. For any given “grown up” activity, somewhat fewer people are doing it than say they are doing it.

7. People are not thinking about you. They are thinking about what you’re thinking about them.

8. You are entering a period of chronic, low-level insanity. You will look back on your teen age years and realize this. All teenage girls are insane.

9. Teenage boys are worse. They are stark, raving, often droolingly insane, and generally remain so well into their twenties.

10. There is nothing wrong with your breath.

11. Your body smells just fine.

12. Noses never hit. Braces do not lock. Teeth sometimes hit. Lips chap, but it take a long, long time. You now know absolutely everything about the dangers of kissing.

13. Oh, I forgot. It’s much easier than you think to get a hickie. If you get one, you will try hard to hide it. Your parents and teachers will try equally hard to pretend they don’t see it, or don’t know what it is.

14. The coolest kids in my class are failures now. This is a simple fact. If I had known it at the time I would have thought it a very fun fact. Now I realize it’s kind of sad.

15. The nerdiest kid in my mother’s class went on to win a Nobel Prize in Physics. (He is, however, still a major nerd.)

16. No teacher ever hates you. They just don’t think that way. The good ones will love you a little or a lot. The bad ones will have the same emotion toward you that a factory worker has toward objects flying past on an assembly line.

17. Your parents don’t hate you. Your parents love you more than you can even understand now.

18. If something is illegal, there is probably a good reason.

19. The things that you think will get you into trouble probably won’t get you into as much trouble as you think, but will still get you into trouble.

20. The things you think might be dangerous are probably more dangerous than you think.

21. Tattoos last an extremely long time. Studies have shown that only 1% of teenagers who get a tattoo like them ten years later.

22. Nose rings and tongue studs last only as long as you want them, but bother parents just as much.

23. You’re not stuck. It will end. But it’s going to take a long, long time.

What you might want to know p. 1

I have lots of baggage that I carry with me. I feel like my life could be one of those TV series that goes on FOREVER like CSI or Law & Order or something like that. Some parts of my story are more interesting than others, so I’ll just tell you what you need to know. I’ll start with the boring basics:

  1. My parents got divorced when I was about 8 or 9. This wasn’t one of those bad divorces that you see in dramatic movies or anything. It was peaceful and civilized. My parents try to get along as best as they can, trying to raise my siblings and me in a “healthy” household. We all live in the same NW city where I’ve grown up. Things were good for the most part when I was that young. I grew up with good parents and am not complaining.
  2. I’ve gone to private Catholic schools all my life until this year ; however, I am not Catholic. I don’t really know what I am. I have my own set of rules and values I live by, but when people ask, I just tell them I’m Christian. I’m still trying to figure my beliefs out.
  3. I transferred in September, 2013 to a public school as a sophomore. I got fed up with the stuck up Catholics, so I decided to try something new. It was strange at first, transferring in second year, because everyone had already established their profiles. Cliques were already made, lockers already assigned, and identities already stamped. It was easy for me to squeeze my way into a group within the first few days because apparently I’m outgoing. Well, other people tell me I am.
  4. I belong to an international singing group. Like I said before, I still don’t know my beliefs. I joined this baptist singing group in early 2013 because I thought “why not?”. I love to travel and they presented me with a great opportunity.

There’s the basics of my life. Soon to come: the not-so-normal twist, just like any good TV show.

The Awkward Introduction.

So I’m just gonna vent about my life on here, giving weekly updates on random stuff on the life of me, L. Hopefully you can relate and we can show each other we aren’t alone in our situations and stuff. I’m here to talk, that’s why I started this! So comment, ask me things, communicate.. Yeah

That's me trying to be artsy.

That’s me trying to be artsy.